i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
