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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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