My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
