I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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