I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
