idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How's work?
Spinning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
