its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
