(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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