The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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