Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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