His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
