i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
