I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
