you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
