She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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