i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
