FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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