i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
