The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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