Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...so i touched it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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