there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
