I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
