Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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