Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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