can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
