i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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