Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
