How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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