well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
