I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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