idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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