Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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