No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
