She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
