Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
