I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
