Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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