just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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