beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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