Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
