I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
