Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
