I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
