just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
sex in a hospital.. check
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
