Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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