I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
