Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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