i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
