in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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