His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
