Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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