Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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