Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
did i walk over a car last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
